Red vs Blue WarBound 4
by VirTaAshi
Summary: Book 4. Aliens, AIs that think they're ghosts, A Backwater canyon, A talking Bomb, Pregnancy, and you're still not dead yet. How much can one person take? Rated M for Mature.
1. Chapter 1: SBaBaaHP

**Author's Note.**

**Book Four Biz-natches! Deanis is alive and well.**

**Be prepared, this book is the shortest so far, about seven chapters. Book five is underway though. We're so close, my friends, so close to the conclusion, and yet so far.  
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><p><strong>Chapter 1 – Stuck between a Berm and a Hard Place<strong>

Darkness shifted under Deanis's eyes as pain hit her head in a constant succession of what felt like rapid fire. She moaned unconsciously, hearing voices but not understanding what they were saying. She gripped the hold of a gun in her hands, and moaned again. She coughed, and opened her eyes.

Blue sky stretched above, no tunnels, no lights. She wasn't dead. She wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse yet. Something came into her vision.

"Hey guys, she's awake," A familiar, annoying voice said. Private Tucker of Blue team looked down, his golden visor reflecting Deanis's red armor.

"God…" Deanis said, sitting up and holding her helmet, "… Its not here is it?... Christ…"

"Oh Oh Oh!" Said a childish voice, Caboose, "That's Private Cupcake's friend."

"Private Cupcake? You mean Donut right?"

"How's the red?" Another voice, female and dark, came into the conversation.

"Doing fine I guess," Tucker replied, "Still creepy as hell."

Deanis slowly, painfully got up, slinging her pistol while tasting the faded copper in her mouth. The Elite variant was nowhere to be seen. The Blues and their Freelancer were here however. Church, however, wasn't.

"You guys didn't see something around did you?" Deanis asked weakly and painfully.

"Something? Like what? The dead robots or you?" Tucker asked sarcastically, "By the way, nice job."

"On what?"

"Killing all the robots," Tex said, "Certainly a slaughter."

"What? I didn't do this."

"Then what?"

"That thing… The thing that knocked me out must've."

"What thing?"

"I don't know…. A monster or something." She knew that was a bunch of bullshit. She did know what it was that attack her, she just wasn't telling the blues that. Maybe she has been in Red Army too long…

"What. The fuck. Was that." Church voice penetrated the air, and Deanis felt an electrical current near her. A clear sign that an AI was present. She turned her helmet to look, as did the attentions of the other blues. Church stood, white, transparent, helmetless and confused.

"Church?"

"Hey Church!"

"Hey."

"Huh?"

"Isn't anybody gonna ask me, 'What happened to your body, Church?'"

"What happened to your body Church," Deanis, Tex and Tucker said in monotone unison. Caboose instead said, "What happened to some... body... Church?"

"Hell if I know. All I know is, I was sittin' there talkin' to Gary, and-"

"The bomb?" Tex asked.

"No that's Andy, Gary is the computer," Church pointed out.

"Meh, I don't even remember most of your names half the time," Tex leaned on one leg, crossing her arms. Deanis noticed that Tex wasn't really as bulky as herself, though that could probably be consequence of the robot body.

"I know my name! You can ask me, if you forget," Caboose said happily.

"Hey, can we please focus on me?" Church pointed to himself.

"By the way, he's Church."

"Yes, thank you Caboose, she knows."

"He is the mean one."

"Thank you, Caboose." Church's eye was twitching from with held anger.

"See, he is mad. Now he'll just stare at me until I stop talking, then, when he thinks I am done talking, then he will start talking again." Everyone stared at Caboose, and an awkward silence followed.

"...Okay. I was talking to Gary and-" Church said quickly before getting cut off.

"Told you so."

"God _Damn_ It!"

"Classic Church."

"I wonder if a ghost can have an aneurism," Tucker spoke.

"Anyway," Church said through clenched teeth, "I was talking to Gary about the Great Destroyer, who at the time we thought was Tex."

The explanation wasn't really that much, mainly because of the interruptions of Caboose and Tucker. It ended with Deanis and Tex pointing guns at Tucker's head for the near completion of a two-some fantasy.

"You dick head," Said Deanis.

"You're a pig," Said Tex.

"I didn't even get to the part where the sailors show up."

"So what did you see Blue?" Deanis spoke. It was surprising enough that nobody insulted or told her to shut up because she was a Red soldier among Blue soldiers. Talk about low standards.

"Um, it was a really big... thing," Church said awkwardly.

"That's your story?" Tex asked, "You saw a big thing."

"Eh, my story had a big thing in it too," Tucker shrugged, "You just didn't give it time to develop."

"Well I didn't really get a clear look at it," Church said.

"At Tucker's big thing," Caboose confirmed.

"No dumb ass, at the big thing in the base that attacked me. All I know is that it was slimy, and it had lots of teeth."

"Kinky," Tucker said nonchalantly.

"Seriously dude, cut the shit. We've got a situation on our hands."

"Well how did you fight it off?" Tex asked.

"Fight it off? You must have me confused with someone who's brave," Church gave glances at Deanis, "I got the hell outta there."

"Wait a minute," Deanis said, "You left your body behind?"

"I had to get outta there fast. That body was just dead weight."

"You dumb ass, do you have any idea how hard it was to make that thing in the first place? Not to mention all that damage done to it in a short period of time, fuck it could be useless now."

"It was either that or get eaten by that what-ever-it-is," Church snapped.

"At least I had the guts to face it."

"What? Hold it, you encountered it too?"

"Yeah, at least that's what he says," Tucker said, "We found him out cold out here with the robots."

"Her."

"What-ever."

"Look," Church said, "For all I know, it's in there chewin' on my body right now."

"Well," Tex clicked safety off her rifle, "then let's go get this big thing of yours."

"Bow Chicka-bow-wow," Tucker spoke.

"Oh shut up."

"Shut up Tucker," Church warned.

"Did somebody call for a really hairy plumber? Bow-Chicka-bow-wow!"

"Tucker. Shut up."

"I came here to lay some pipe. Bow-Chicka-bow-wow!"

"Tucker!"

"So I hear you got sisters. Bow Chicka- who're twins! -wow wow!"

"Shut up."

"Hey, are you a model or famous actress? Bow-chicka-bow-wow!"

"Shut up."

"Bow Chicka Chicka-"

"Shut up."

"-gow wow Chicka-"

"Shut up."

"-Chicka bow bow chickachickachi bow bow!"

"Shut _up_!"

Deanis pulled back, spun on her heel, and punched Tucker dead in the face.

"Ow! What the fuck!"

"Next time, do the world a favor, and shut the fuck up."

"Nice," Tex said, looking at a fallen Tucker.

"Speaking of which," Church said, "Where's Red team anyway?"

"Gone," Deanis said, "I volunteered to stay behind and do whatever."

"Oh."

Next thing was the explanation of the plan, which detailed sneaking into the base and either finding the alien or Church's body. The five stood outside the base.

"We haven't seen that alien thing come out, so he's probably still hiding in there," Tucker said.

"Or, eating Church!" Suggested Caboose.

"Alright then," Tex said, "Let's roll."

"Okay..." Church said, "Here we go..."

Nobody moved.  
>"..Uh, we're not moving," Tucker said.<p>

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Church cleared his throat, if he really had one, "Here we go."

"...We're still not moving."

"Does talking count as moving?" Caboose asked.

"All right, screw it," Tex stepped forward, "You guys get behind me, and stay tight."

"Bow-Chicka-bow-wow."

"Never mind, Tucker's in front."

"Eh, it was worth it."

Tucker went forward into the base, followed by Tex and then Church. Caboose began to follow, but Deanis stopped him.

"Hey Caboose," Deanis said, "Why don't you stay out here? You know, like covering fire or something."

"I don't have any fire."

"Then just wait out here until we need you then," Deanis said calmly and patiently, however difficult it was.

"Oh, okay, I can wait. I like waiting."

"Good." Deanis ran forward and into the base with the others.

The corridors were still dark, though maybe a little ominous this time around. Deanis snuck along side the wall, her pistol in hand and at the ready. So far there weren't any sounds or movement from anything heavy, though she had to admit that she wasn't thrilled about seeing the alien again. Down in the main room, up a ramp and near a hallway, she found the two blues.

"See anything yet?" Deanis asked.

"Nope, nothing," Church replied, "You know, Andy was here when I got attacked. Maybe he knows something."

Church snuck close to what looked like a window.

"Hey. Andy. Andy!"

"Hehehey, look who's back!" the mechanical and sarcastic voice of the bomb yelled, surprising Deanis, "The dickhead!"

"Hey, up yours."

"You back for another beatin'? It must be asskick-o'clock!"

"Where's that big alien thing?"

"I don't know, last time I saw him he was halfway up your ass."

"The Bomb talks?" Deanis asked.

"I see you brought a girl with you. What're you gonna have, a crying contest?"

"At least somebody finally notices…" Deanis muttered.

"Hey look, there's my body, right there," Church pointed at a walkway that lead to Gary the computer. The floor was red with synthetic blood, and the body lied limp against the metal. Deanis wasn't happy about the sight, she was downright sick. She didn't want to consider the option that the blood had soaked through artificial skin and tissue, not to mention armor. If that were the case, then that body is useless and could possibly and permanently kill Church if he tried to reenter it.

Something caught her eye at the end of the hall. She looked, and regretted it. The alien Elite-thing was crouched at the corner, staring directly at them.

"There it is!" Tucker fell back and scrambled away.

"Jesus, run!" Church yelled when he finally noticed. Everyone fired in different directions while trying to get away. Tex appeared.

"What? What's going on?" She turned to find the alien, "Crap!"

Everyone fled and fired. Something that didn't mix well.

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God what the fuck is that thing!"

"Run!"

"Women and children last!"

"Run run run run run run run!"

"Heheh, what, you leavin' already?" Andy called, "That's fuckin' hilarious!"

"Ahhh, run run run run run!" They were still running even outside where Caboose waited.

"Did we win?" Caboose asked.

"Yeah Caboose we won, this is our victory lap!" Tucker replied panicked. Deanis skidded behind, close to Caboose. The alien wasn't following, thank god. But they'd certainly have to deal with it sooner or later. Preparely, sooner.

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><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Berm** - A narrow space between a parapet and a ditch.

**Yay! Back on track and ready to roll!**

**...**

**Lonely...**

**Read, Review, Whatever.  
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**Chapter 1 - "Between a Berm and a Hard Place."  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2: FEwtEK

**Author's Note.**

**2nd Chapter, Lets get a move on.**

**I really need to stop forgetting the disclaimer...  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 First Encounters with the Elite Kind<strong>

"Ugh, man I just cannot fuckin' stand the idea of my body laying in there."

The five soldiers stood outside the bar-gate that lead into the base. The first attempt at getting Church's body had been a failure.

"Heh ha-ah, you never looked better!" Andy yelled happily.

"Hey shut up, Andy!" Church yelled back and then turned to the other soldiers, "You know, we could have taken that alien out if I'd have hit him just a few more times."

"A few more times? How about one time?" Tucker said.

"Well I think I landed at least two or three shots."

"Yeah right."

"You didn't hit anything but the wall," said Tex.

"How the hell would you know, you were runnin' straight backwards," Church countered.

"This is a long range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively."

"Where were you planning on shooting him from, the fucking moon?" Tucker said, "If you'd have backed up any further you'd have had to mail him the bullets."

"You know what? I work better alone," Tex snapped, "You ladies stay here, I'll be back in two minutes with that thing's head on a platter." The mercenary ran to the front of the base.

"Does it ever bother you that the most take-charge guy on our team is a girl?" Tucker asked his teammates.

"Not at all," Church replied, "As long as I get my body back I don't care if I'm a hero." Silence followed.

"What."

"Huh, well, Church you're kind of a long way from 'hero'," Tucker stated, "Wouldn't it have been better to say "I don't care if I'm a participant?" Or maybe bystander?"

"Shut up."

"Or a decoy," Suggested Caboose.

"Hey, Caboose, don't help him okay?"

"Geez, you guys act like my team," Deanis said, "Its fucking ridiculous."

"Hey she's going in," Tucker noted on Tex's position, "you guys think she can take him?"

There was the sound of something hitting something very hard and very fast, and the clear Ghost of Tex faded into view of the entire team.

"Oh crap," She cursed.

"Nope," Church replied, late.

"What now?" Deanis asked.

"You're that kick-ass guy from Red team," Tucker said, "Why don't you go in?"

"The signal person who had kicked my ass just came back as a ghost," Deanis said, "The only difference is that if I go in and fail, I don't have the pleasure."

"Good point," Tucker shrugged, "Maybe Caboose should try talking to it."

"Uhh, what would I say?" Caboose asked.

"Start with some common ground. Like how you both killed Church."

"Hmm... good times."

"You know I actually like that idea," Church said, actually turning to his team.

"You do?" Tex asked.

"Well think about it. While our Ambassador here is either being a) eaten by the alien, or b) digested, by the alien, you and I can sneak back in and get our bodies."

"I would make an excellent Am-bidas-dor," Caboose said, horribly mispronouncing the word, "because I am very shy!"

"Get away from me freak!" Tucker stepped back.

"You know if that word's too hard to pronounce," Church chuckled, "you can just call yourself bait."

Tex went up the ramp in the front, followed by Church. Caboose followed behind after wards.

It was a while before anything actually happened. Mainly, Deanis silently threatened to shoot Tucker if he kept looking at her ass any longer. Then the gates opened, allowing passage inside. Deanis came in first, though Tucker didn't follow. Up a ramp and to a hallway, Church, body and all, stood, even if the front of his armor had small splatters of blood that made him look like he was just in a hack-n-slash flick.

"How's your body?" Deanis asked.

"Its okay, I guess," Church replied, "Feels like I'm dragging it through water though."

"When and if we get back to Blood Gulch, I see if I can try and fix it. You still owe me."

"Yeah, I know."

"Where's Caboose anyway?"

"Somewhere on the ground floor," Tex said, coming up next to them.

"Holy fuck don't do that," Deanis said, almost gasping at Tex's sudden appearance. Tex shrugged, but she seemed to stare at Deanis, making the clad red highly uncomfortable. The three made there way to the ground floor. They heard a conversation.

"I think I will call him Crunchbite." Caboose.

"Eh, that's a stupid name." Andy.

"Uh, well I think it's better than your suggestion. Crouchosaurus?"

"Caboose," Church started, "who're you talkin' to- **HOLY _SHIT_!**"

The exclamation caused Tex and Deanis to rush over to see what the commotion was about. The result was a lot of guns pointed at a crouching, Elite alien thing.

"Blargh!" the alien cried out, barring sharp teeth on its mandibles. The entire area smelt like rotting flesh, at least that's what Deanis thought it smelt like.

"Stop!" Caboose held out his hands in attempt protection, "He is my friend. He is not going to eat anybody."

The alien's mandibles moved as it blarghed. Deanis still wasn't sure about it, figuring that shoot first and ask questions later seemed to be the better option.

"Yeah, he thinks you guys stink too much to eat," Andy said, the bomb was on the floor near Caboose. The screen on it that was originally for a count-down sequence had been replaced by what looked like green pixilated eyes and eyebrows. They were in an emotion of boredom or something.

"He thinks we stink?" Tex said, "It smells like someone set a fish on fire in here."

"Caboose, what the fuck man, are you sure about this thing?" Church asked.

"Absolutely, he has not tried to bite me, at all," Caboose said, the Alien "honked" this time, "Since he bit me the first time."

"He-heh yeah, that was hilarious," Andy said, the screen flashed what could only be described as satirely humored eyes.

"I think I might need a tetanus shot."

"Blargh, blargh, blargh honk blargh," said the alien.

"Whoa, that thing's breathe smells like infected cheese on a hotplate." Church coughed, though it sounded more like a gag.

"Blargh, blargh!"

"I don't think he liked that," Andy said. Tucker came up nearby.

"Whoa, man, what is that stench?" He asked, "Is a skunk juggling dead hamsters in here? It smells like old yogurt." He turned to the alien… or Caboose, it was difficult to tell, "Did you eat and then throw up a can of trash?"

"That's exactly what he said right before he bit me," Stated Caboose.

"You understand what he's saying?" Tex asked, lower her gun, but her finger still on the trigger. The alien was still honking and blarghing.

"Hey hey wait," Church said, "I think I'm hearing a pattern here. I think that blarghs come after honks. Or, vice versa."

"I can't believe you haven't shot it yet," Deanis said, her pistol still tracked on the alien.

"I think," Caboose spoke, "I think blargh means, me, or, apples. Guys, Apples must be the name of his cat! Quick, quick, is- is Apples stuck in a tree? I will call the fire department."

"Mister Huge Alien," Church directed at the alien, ignoring Caboose, "do you understand what we are saying?"

"Blarrrgh!"

"I have no idea if that means yes or no."

"Totally blows away your vice versa theory," Caboose said, "Sorry."

"You two are retarded," Tucker said, "You're not gonna be able to figure out alien language by experimentation, give it up."

"You don't know that!" Church snapped.

"You don't even know how they talk. What if their language isn't entirely verbal? It could be part telepathic, or via smells."

"Well if it's via smells then you should be fluent in the language already. Jackass."

The alien Honked.

"Oh shut up, you're not helping."

"Wait!" Caboose said, "I think Tucker might be right. I think he might be saying things telepathically. I just heard something in my head!"

"What? What was it?"

"It was a voice, saying, 'Blargh blargh blargh honk.'"

"That wasn't in your head Caboose, he just said that," Church nearly face palmed, "You're just so dumb you're lagged a few seconds behind us. By the time your brain figures out what it's heard, it feels like it's already happened."

"You're actually paying that close attention?" Deanis asked. Church shrugged half-heartedly.

"...That's not true. Wait!" Caboose said, "I hear something else in my head! It must be Apples, trying to communicate with me! Quick, Tucker, get a ladder!"

"Oh boy," Deanis sighed, turned and started walking.

"Where are you going Red?" Church asked.

"To go talk to that computer thing," Deanis replied. She didn't want to be near the AI again, but sometimes you've gotta suck it up, "It might know something or whatever."

"I know Gary better than you do," Church stated, "I'm coming."

Deanis vaguely noticed a stare coming from the Freelancer, icy and cold. She ignored it, knowing that she and Tex would have to deal with each other sometime later.

The computer wasn't hard to find, and in some strange competition Church made sure he was first.

"Hey Gary," He said to the computer, Deanis nearly shivered at the sudden active electrical current in the air, "is there any way that you could translate what this big alien is saying to us?"

"**No.**"

"Aw come on man, isn't this one of the aliens that built you?"

"**Yes, but I do not know much about those creatures**," the computer said, Deanis wasn't truly convinced and the lack of a language translator from the computer (or rather the AI inside) was that surprising,"I was only programmed with knowledge of the shisnos. I mean you."

"Yeah listen man, that word is really startin' to bug me a little bit."

"**You did not even know what it meant until I told you**."

"What does Shisno mean?" Deanis asked.

"I'll tell ya later," said Church, "I know, Gary, but you just say it so much."

"**I only say shisno in context. Like when talking to a shisno or about a shisno...**" The computer paused, "**I think I see what you mean shisno.**"

"So you'll stop?"

"**Inter-species prejudices take a long time to overcome. But I will try.**"

"Thanks."

"**Luckily, I am not lazy like a shisno.**"

"Yeah it's pretty clear you mean to give this your best effort."

"**I think the important thing is that I am trying.**"

Deanis rolled her eyes and walked away. She didn't like how Church didn't notice that the computer had an AI inside of it, an AI just like Omega or better yet, just like Church himself. Then again, Church hardly realized exactly what he was, why expect him to know about others?

Church ended catching up to Deanis.

"Hey Deanis," Church said, "Why'd you leave out like that?"

"Because the computer was useless," Deanis said. That was true to the situation, but an incomplete truth to Deanis's actual problem. Church remained silent until they started to hear Tucker's voice on the bottom floor.

"Okay. Church, is trying to get a translator. So that we can talk to each other," Tucker spoke slowly, probably to the alien.

"Tucker," Church said when he reached his teammate, "the enormous alien doesn't speak our language, speaking slowly is not gonna help."

"What? I'm talking to Caboose."

"Oh."

"I don't understand," Caboose said, "Are- are- are you hungry? Tucker are you Hungry? Are you cold?"

"What? No."

"Do you need a blanket? Tucker, do you want some hot dogs in a blanket?"

"Damn it no, Caboose I'm not cold, I don't want a hot dog, and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again I'm gonna kill you."

"Okay gargantuan alien," Caboose said to the alien, "now that we have decided to keep you, you need a real name. I vote for Fluffy."

"Fluffy?" Tucker asked incredulous.

"Fluffy! The alien that only loves!"

"He's got to have a name," Tucker explained, "Why don't we just ask him? Hey alien dude, what's your name? Na-me. I am Tucker." Tucker pointed to himself, "This is Church." He pointed at Church, "That's Bitch-pants McCrabby." He pointed at Tex.

"Hey!" the freelancer protested.

"Well that's what we call you."

"Not me," Caboose said, "I call you Mrs. McCrabby."

"Thanks," Tex muttered.

"What. Is. Your. Name?" Church asked the alien.

"Honk Honk," said the alien.

"Your name."

"Honk, honk."

"Nayy-muh," Church pronounced.

"Just keep repeating it Church," Tucker faked encouragement, "I'm sure he'll come up with the right definition on his own."

"He is Tucker," Church said, gesturing to the teal clad, "Tucker. You are?" Church rolled his hand, gesturing to the alien to say something.

"Honk, honk."

"No no. No. Not "honk honk." Name."

"Honk, honk."

"Okay, I give up, all this guy says is honk honk."

"Well have you ever considered the fact that his name is Honk Honk?" Tex suggested.

"Blargh?"

"Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?" Tucker said.

"Yeah," Church agreed, "I mean seriously, what kind of name is Honk Honk?

"Blargh?"

"Hey, big alien, is your name Honk Honk?" Church asked.

"Blargh."

"Hey wait a second, I think blargh means yes. Alien, does blargh mean yes?"

"Blargh."

"Holy shit! Blargh means yes, he just said yes blargh means yes. I speak alien!"

"Yeah, unless Blargh means no," Tex said, "In which case, he just said no, blargh does not mean yes."

"What, no way. Hey alien, am I right?"

"Blargh."

"Haha, see? The fuck do you know."

"You guys realize that you're probably all wrong," Deanis said, "and I still don't see why you haven't shot it yet?"

"Caboose gets in the way if you try," Tucker said.

"So?"

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia. Dun Dun Dum! There is none.<strong>

**We've met the alien, how wonderful.**

**Read, Review, Whatever**

**Chapter 2 - Close Encounters with the Elite Kind.**


	3. Chapter 3: The Fifth Idiot

**Author's Note.  
><strong>

**God, its been too long, I'm gonna need to pull on a few things.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3 – The Fifth Idiot<strong>

"God damn it, what're you yelling for?" Deanis asked Tucker.

"I'm looking for Church," Tucker said, "Not creepy red guys."

"Oh yeah? You wanna say that to my pistol?"

"Ah, Umm, Church! Chuu-urch, hey Church!"

"Right behind you dumb-ass," Church said, surprising both Tucker and Deanis.

"Oh," Tucker said, "Hey Church, do you have a knife?"

"No. That's a weapon dude, ask Tex."

"She said she had something to take care of. Girl stuff I think."

"Huh? Like what?"

"I don't know, I stopped asking questions at 'girl stuff'."

"What're you two guys doin'?" Church asked, looking behind Deanis and Tucker.

"We're gonna teach the Alien how to speak English," Explained Tucker. Deanis simply shrugged and crossed her arms.

"How're you gonna do that?" asked Church.

"People learn English all the time, it aren't that hard."

"Maybe you should try learning his language."

"Don't know what he's saying if all he says is honk and blargh," Deanis said.

"Hell yeah, and we got here first, and that makes this a colony. Those're the rules, dude. Earth colony, Earth language."

"Tucker there's thousands of languages spoken on Earth."

"Church has a point."

"Oh yeah, but only one that kicks ass. And that's the one we're teaching. English 101, remedial kick-ass."

"Why on earth did you agree with him?" Church asked Deanis.

"I've got nothing better to do Church," Deanis replied, "Besides, seeing this work out might actually be entertaining."

"There is no way this is gonna work, you know."

"Yeah it is," Tucker confirmed, "we got visual aids and everything."

"Where the hell'd you get those?"  
>"They made them," Deanis explained, "As it turns out, your little blue idiot hasn't been reloading his gun with bullets. He was using crayons." Though how he got a hold of crayons since the portal incidents was beyond her.<p>

"I just need to cut one of these things, you have a pocket knife?" Tucker asked.

"Hey if you need to cut something, why don't you just use that big sword o' yours?" Church suggested.

"Oh right. Duh." Tucker took the strange looking horizontal hilt from his armor's thigh, pressed a strange looking button on its mid point, and a double bladed sword appeared. Deanis felt the small wave of heat from the solid plasma.

Then there was a horrid roar, and something large and fast tackled Tucker before anyone could react. The Elite-alien started beating the living crap out of Tucker, using weapon and fist. Deanis took a step back.

"Whoa! Man," Church spoke, "Tucker, that thing either really hates that sword, or really hates you."

"_Aaaaaaaah_, get this **fucking** thing off **me**!" Tucker was finding it difficult to curl into a fetal position with an Alien beating him out.

"Heh wait a second Tucker, this might be a good chance for us to evaluate how these things fight," Church said, amused, "Now hold still. For science."

"Not the face, not the _face_!"

"Hey Church!" Tex's voice almost echoed from the call. Church looked up from the savage beating Tucker was getting. Church walked over, and Deanis followed him out of curiosity, who was followed by Caboose.

"I found us a translator," Tex said, and gestured to Andy, the bomb.

"You have got to be kidding me," Church said, "There is no way I'm gonna let this happen."

"He can do it."

"Yeah, I'm qualified," Andy confirmed.

"Listen I don't doubt, that he can do it. I doubt that I want him to do it."

"Why?" Andy asked.

"Well you know what Andy? You're not exactly the most diplomatic of individuals."

"That's bullshit! You're only saying that 'cause you're a racist."

"Bombs aren't a race," Deanis said, "They're things." Pause. "Don't give me that look, you little bastard."

"Eh, shut up ya dirty Shisno."

"You little-" Church stopped her.

"We finally make contact with an alien being, and our first attempt at communication is gonna be through a bomb?" Church almost yelled it, "Am I the only other person who has a problem with this?"

"Well unless you've got your English to Blargh-blargh dictionary, I don't think you got a choice," Andy said, "now do ya?"

"I had one of those," Caboose said, coming from nearby, "but I threw it out. It didn't have many pictures."

"I'm sure this'll be fine," Tex comforted.

"You know I feel that I'm gonna regret this," Church sighed, "but I feel even more that I just don't care, and that watching this whole thing unravel might be kinda interesting. Go for it."

"Alright, where's the alien?"

"Oh shit, I forgot."

It took a little while to get the alien off Tucker. And even longer to make sure that the alien didn't re-attack the blue, or attack anyone else. It ended up with Deanis having to hold a gun to the alien's head in order to keep the peace.

"Oh-hohohoh, man," Tucker moaned, "I'm gonna die…"

"Blargh arg-honk, blargh, blargh," the alien said, which could be anything from an apology to cursing the human race.

"What's he saying now Andy?" Caboose asked, again.

"Look guy," Andy said, "if you want me to translate for ya, you can't keep asking me every four seconds, what's he sayin' now Andy, what's he sayin' now? I'm gonna tell you what he's sayin', that's my freakin' job!"

"That's what he said? That's a weird thing to say. Uh, tell him I said okay, I will not ask any, more of uh... that and also, no."

"I think I need a translator just for Caboose," Church commented.

"Blargh!" the alien yelled.

"Okay," Andy began, "basically he's uh, he says he's pissed off."

"Oh rea- yea- no kidding," Church said, "Tex, are we paying for this service?"

"Just give him a chance."

"Blargh, blargh, wahu-blargh."

"He says he came to claim some type of thing," Andy translated, "and that the teal one took the thing..."

"Blarg blaargh."

"And that now the thing is gone."

"Who's the teal one?" Tucker asked.

"You are," Deanis said, "Idiot."

"No way, I'm aqua. Teal's out."

"That thing that he's talkin' about must be that sword," Church said, "and it's not broken it's right there." He pointed to the fallen sword. Nobody even bothered to touch after the alien's little episode with Tucker.

"Blargh blargh!"

"He says it only works with the hero who passes the trial of the windmill," Andy continued, "and retrieves it from his resting place. For everyone else, it might as well be broken."

"Uh oh," Tex mumbled.

"Trial? Please," Tucker said incredulous, "I fell in a hole, that's not a trial. I'm startin' to like this culture though, any dude who trips is a hero. I'm pretty sure that makes Caboose God."

"This all sounds like bullshit to me," Church said.

"I double that," Deanis said.

"No he's right," Tex said, "It didn't work for me, remember?"

"Of course it didn't work for you, you're a girl," Church explained,"Mean you can't even work the entertainment center back at the base. Doesn't mean the remote control is mythically attached to us."

"If you pun on the opposing gender again, I will personally make sure that your ghost loses sate," Threatened Deanis, personally defended herself and Tex from sexist comments, "If you think you're so capable, go ahead, pick up the fuckin' thing."

Church looked at the sword, and then at the elite alien. The alien made several continuous noises that might constitute as laughing.

"Nah, I'll take his word for it."

"Blargh blargh blagh blargh," the alien said.

"And now you gotta go with him, to fulfill the prophecy," Andy directed at Tucker.

"Fuck you," Tucker replied, pulling the finger.

"Blar blargh blargh, honk honk."

"Heh heh heh, good one," then Andy realized nobody else understood the apparent joke, "Uh oh yeah, he... he's not too thrilled about it either."

"See I knew this was a bad idea," Tucker said, and then to the alien, "Sorry to fuck up your quest, dude, but I'm not goin'."

"Aaand if you don't go," Andy continued, "he'll destroy the base, and kill everybody here."

The sudden, and awkward silence could be cut like a knife. Deanis didn't know the odds about facing an alien that could take out a freelancer and knock herself unconscious. She didn't want to fight it, alone anyway and blue team wasn't supposed to be faithful to any reds. They could abandon Deanis in the mist of battle.

"...Alright well have fun guys," Church said.

"Hey a quest sounds fun," Tex said, in possibly fake enthusiasm, "come on Tucker!"

"Aheh, I think he should stay here," Andy said, "'cause, I like that killin' everybody option."

Tucker wasn't too convinced by diplomacy, so he was threatened. Not only by the alien, but by Deanis who wasn't about to get killed because a blue had refused to do a little journeying. Andy translated the quest, and all the perks and requirements, like a complete walkthrough on what to do with this and how to go about that. Places and paths to go on.

"This is so dumb, I'm not doing this," Tucker whined.

"Hey, news flash, you don't have a choice," Church said, "You're the one that picked up the sword and locked it to yourself."

"I know! And I'm so used to picking up things, and not letting them get attached," Tucker said, "...I'm talkin' about women."

"I know, yes, I got it."

"Don't worry Tucker, we're not gonna send you alone," Tex said.

"You're coming with me Tex?"

"Me? Hell no! This is the first thing you wimps have done that actually sounds dangerous." Basically Tex didn't want to be near the thing that had caused her death.

"Well I'm not goin' with Church, that guy's a worse fighter than I am."

"Well you're in luck then, because I'm not goin' either," Church crossed his arms.

"You're sending the Red with me?" Tucker said, not even bothering to hide his disbelief, "You've gotta be kinding me, he'll slit my throat when I sleep."

"Fuck off Blue," Deanis said, "I wouldn't go with you even if you paid me."

"Then who?" Tucker said, and then slowly turned to look at Caboose, who waved, "No fuckin' way. I'm not goin' with him."

"Oh, oh, oh, I hope we meet a Cleric along the way," Caboose said, "None of us knows how to heal."

"Blargh?"

"He says he's a healer," Andy said.

"Oh good."

"Heh heh, not really, they eat their wounded. Heh heh heh."

"Just like chiropractors."

"This is a joke, right, you're sending Caboose?" Tucker said, "What's wrong with you? I'd rather take my chances with the red."

"What's wrong with me? I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it," Church countered, "There's nothin' wrong with me."

"Okay, so, um, Tucker is a fighter, uh, Crunchbite is the healer, and I am the powerful... and intelligent, wizard," Caboose proclaimed, "Morphumax."

"What the hell does that make me?" Andy asked.

"You're the good looking and stealthy archer."

"A bow and arrow- I don't have any arms, you freakin' moron!"

"That is what makes you so stealthy. This is going to be the best party ever."

"I'm gonna fuckin' die," Tucker moaned.

"Yeah I guess this is it Tucker," Church chuckled, "Nice knowin' ya."

"Oh, you better hope that I don't die, 'cause if I do, you're the one taking care of my kids."

"You have kids?"

"Heheh probably."

It didn't take long to prepare, there wasn't much to prepare with. Everything had been left in Blood Gulch, and what was left had been either rigged or dispersed across the solar system because of the mix up from the teleporter.

"Well, good luck guys," Church said, "Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day. Tucker, that goes double for you."

"What? I'm the cleanest guy here."

"I highly doubt that statement," Deanis said.

"Fuck you Red."

"Piss off Blue."

"No, it goes double for you, Tucker, because now you're in charge of changing Caboose as well," Church explained.

"I hate you."

"Blargh!" said the alien.

"He doesn't wear any pants," Andy said.

"Yeah, we noticed," Tucker replied, "If we meet anybody on this adventure, that might have to change."

"Why? We're used to being naked," Andy cheered, "Free-ballin', come on! Commando."

"I'm going to with the blue bitch on this one," Deanis said, "It was a lot less threatening when the freelancer was looking at the sword."

"Huh what- oh, yeah um, yeah, uh," Tex was caught red-handed, "I was just admiring his-his Alien, muscle structure."

"Which part? The one down south? You sure as hell ain't lookin' at his mandibles."

"Well that's just a matter of penis- I mean opinion."

"Smooth," Church rolled his helmet.

"You told me it was another arm," Caboose whined to Andy.

"Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!"

"Hey Caboose," Andy said cheerfully, "high five!"

Caboose said something Deanis didn't quite catch.

"Tucker come here, I want to talk to you for a second," Church called the clad Aqua to the side, away from the party soon to be traveling and the party wanting to go back to Blood Gulch. Deanis felt a hand on her shoulder, and the sparks of an AI going through her armor and stinging against her skin.

"Listen you little bitch," Tex muttered to Deanis, "You keep off of him. If you try anything, I will hunt you down."

"I'm sure you will," Deanis muttered back, venom in her words and ice in her voice, "I don't take orders from you though. We both know you wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for him anyway."

"Excuse me?"

"Walk in the valley of the shadow of death, or some shit like that," Deanis spoke, "that's all you are and forever will be. A shadow. Clad in black, invisibility, that's all your character, a mere ghost in the machine. The difference between you and me, is that I'm still alive. If Church wants to move on from you, he will." Speaking of which, Church was coming back over. Deanis shrugged off the grip, which had weakened considerably since ever word from Deanis had hit hard.

"Hey lady!" Andy called, as Tucker ran over to their group, "Come on, hustle up! If you gotta use the bathroom, do it now 'cause I'm not pullin' over."

They left, leaving behind three soldiers. Tex was in unnatural silence, making Deanis try to some up a feeling of guilt, but found nothing to do so.

"You know I have to say I'm a little surprised that you're not goin' with them," Church said to Tex.

"Why?" Tex said with summoned emotion, "Quests are dangerous."

"Yeah but they usually have some kind of big reward at the end you know like some, big treasure chest or, an entire room filled with gold and art," Church talked, not noticing the fact that Tex had just left, "It's not really like you to pass up on something like that Tex. ...Tex? ...You're gone, aren't you. ...Huhhh, I really shoulda seen that coming."

"Yeah you should've," Deanis said, turned and started walking.

"Hey, hold up!" Church caught after Deanis, "Where're you going now?"

"Blood Gulch," Deanis replied and went on with a tired tone, "As much as I hate the place, and I really fucking hate it, It's about the closest thing to home for me."

"What about your own home?" Church asked, "You know, like on Earth or some other colony."

"I don't have a home outside of Red army," Deanis said darkly, "I've got no one waiting for me, no fiancée or ex-boyfriend, no family."

"Why don't you?"

Deanis didn't answer, and all conversation was dropped.

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><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**The Title references the Fifth Element.**

**Christ, its been too long for my tastes since the last posting. I need to get it in gear.**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 3 - The Fifth Idiot**


	4. Chapter 4: The Wrong Siege

**Author's Note.**

**A Make-Up Chapter for all the days I've missed.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 – The Wrong Siege<strong>

It took several hours to return to Blood Gulch, mainly because of the sever twists and turns within the tunnel system that made the insides of Blood Gulch canyon. Church could navigate easily enough, for some reason, often having to lead Deanis. The first eternal light of Blood Gulch was an irritation and a pleasant sight. Deanis half-felt about jumping off the cliff they had come to.

"Hold a minute," Church spoke, and then crouched, unslung the sniper rifle and looked out into the canyon. More specifically, Blue base, "Hey, your guys are at my base."

"Your base? Why?" Deanis asked, "Sarge prefers it if there's something to kill when it comes to capturing bases."

"Well, Sarge, and that pink guy, Donut or whatever, just entered Blue base," Church slung back the rifle, "Let's kick some ass."

"That's my team you're talking about, dumbass. I'd rather if they came back in one piece."

"Fine…" Church said reluctantly. The rush down wasn't so bad, though the distance from where they were at to Blue base was almost like coming from Red base. It was automatic sneaking mode when they reached the fortification, using the wall as cover and signals for conversation. Running on dark, as could say.

Inside, voices echoed down the halls, pin pointing where everyone was. Church led the way.

"Well, it hurts me almost as much as it hurts you." Sarge's voice.

"I don't buy that either." Simmons's voice.

"Well I am the one who has to clean the shotgun later, and those solvents smell so-"

"Boo-yeah!" Church cut Sarge off with a hit to the implants at the back of the head. Deanis followed a little later, though she didn't take any action. She noticed the extra blue… In fact, wasn't a blue. Someone had spray painted their armor horribly to make it look like they were a blue. Bits and pieces were a redish color. Maroon. Simmons?

"Well that was close," Church said standing, "I've always wanted to say 'boo-yeah' too, that was awesome. ...Boo yeah."

"Where the hell'd you come from?" The blue Simmons asked.

"Huh? Oh, you must be one of the new Blues that took over our base after we left. Listen, don't be afraid, but I'm from the past." Church is buying this?

"Why would I be afraid of someone from the past? People from the future are scary. People from the past are savages and idiots."

"We didn't go into the future…" Deanis muttered, and she noticed the stiffing of her unconscious CO. Sarge propped himself on his hands, like someone making a bad push up.

"Whaoweaugh," He moaned, shaking his head, "what the, who hit me?"

"Hurry, quick, before he wakes up, help me get this guy in the hole," Said Simmons.

"We have a hole?" Church looked around. Blue base seemed to have several hundred differences now compared to Red base, especially the strange glowing hole things, "That's _kickass_!"

"I've gotta better Idea," Deanis said, and walked over to her commander, "Sorry Sarge," and she stomped on his head. It wasn't too hard, otherwise she might damage the implants, but it was enough to knock him back out, "Okay then. Where's the rest of the team?" She specifically looked at the poorly painted new blue member, who stiffed at her gaze.

"Ahhh umm, what rest of the team?"

"Oh, you know, a tall pink guy, a dumb fat orange fuck," Deanis said, "You know the works."

"Uhh, ah, there's… there's the orange guy in the hole."

"What? That hole?"

"No." Simmons pointed in the opposing indirection, and Deanis found Grif lying unconscious on the floor. Donut wasn't anywhere, and he went in with Sarge.

"Okay, where's Donut?"

"Here I am!"

The pink private came out from behind a corner. He took one look at Deanis, and almost tackled her.

"Deanis!" he exclaimed, "I thought you were dead for sure! I thought I should've stayed behind, you know, and-"

"Its good to see you too, Donut," Deanis said, smiling under the helmet at the embarrassing way Donut showed his relief and excitement.

"When'd you get back?"

"I'll tell ya later, look, I'd like to get these two idiots out of here." Deanis gestured to both of the fallen soldiers. Church was giving a helmet tilt, and Deanis added, "Unless of coarse Church here wants all of red team inside his base, out numbering him four or five to one."

"Good point," Church muttered. He and Deanis started moving Grif, which was more of a hassle than needed. The two couldn't even speak to each other because of how heavy Grif was. They dropped him outside, and went in for Sarge.

To Deanis, it wasn't surprising that Sarge was almost as heavy. What ever Grif did in fat, Sarge would make up in muscle. That was more of her CO trying in every way to be the opposite of Grif at any costs, going so far as to psychologically move or damage himself in order to make sure that he stayed as far away from Grif as mentally, emotionally, and physically possible.

"Man, Sarge is frickin' heavy," Church said mid-way out of the base, "Hey blue guy where'd you go we need some help. Christ, what does you sergeant eat?"

"He doesn't," Deanis said.

"Hold a minute, that's not possible."

"You tell Sarge that. I'm not even sure if the man sleeps anymore."

They dropped the out-cold CE next to the clad orange. After some stretching and exhales of relief, the two went back inside to where Simmons and Donut were.

"Euh, you know we could have used some help new guy," Church said and then added a sarcastic "thanks."

"I was just securing this prisoner," Simmons said, in a fake, stuffy and stuck voice, "Which is interesting, considering that I have never met him before."

"Why is that interesting?"

"I don't know." That voice again…

"Why are you talking like that?" Deanis asked.

"Oh I was just disguising it," Simmons said in his regulator, "so the prisoner wouldn't think he knew me."

"What?" Donut said, his helmet tilting in confusion. He wasn't the only that thought that, Deanis understood what Simmons was coming from but his execution was horrible and blandly failed.

"But he doesn't. Do you prisoner?"

"Um... no?"

"Right," and then he whispered something to Donut that Deanis couldn't catch.

"Wait, is this some really weird form of torture?" Donut asked.

"No Donut, a friend of mine is being an idiot," Deanis replied.

"Well okay, help me load these guys in the jeep before they wake up," Church explained and led the way to the outside. Donut fell in walking with Deanis.

"You're friends with the blues?" He said, "Oh man, Sarge won't like that…"

"We simply won't tell him then," Deanis said back, "What he doesn't know can't hurt him."

"Uhh…"

"Alright, alright, what he doesn't know can't kill him. Seriously Donut, the only kills that happen out in Blood Gulch are mainly from friend fire."

They got to the jeep, and began to load the unconscious men into the shotgun seat. Donut and Deanis took seat on the foot of the mounted gun, Simmons had the misfortune to share seats with the unconscious Sarge and Grif, while Church started the vehicle up and drove to red base.

"Sarge was considering making another robot to replace you," Donut said, "He thought that the blues would have you executed for sure."

"You need to start looking at people from both sides of the tracks Donut," Deanis said, "Blues are people just like everyone else."

"That's not true, Sarge said that the blues are some sort of deform alien things."

"Sarge says a lot of things. And Honestly, I've been thinking about how much bullshit it all is."

"You're… rebelling?"

"No, not really. If that the case though, I'm a rebel without a cause. I'm not betraying red team, Donut. I just… Don't like how things are going."

"…I missed you," Donut said quietly, "I didn't like the feeling I got when I thought you were dead or dying somewhere."

"I'm fine, dude," Deanis replied, "Its nothing I can't handle."

"Okay," Donut's voice regained its up beat tone. Church stopped the vehicle nearby Red base.

"Here we are," Church said. After the unloading of the conscious and the unconscious, Church stood next to the jeep.

"Okay Donut… and Deanis," Church said, "wait until I'm gone, and then you can wake 'em up."

"Well what do we tell them?" Donut asked.

"I don't care, tell 'em you busted in and rescued them," Church replied a bit irritated, he was still a little mad at the fact that Deanis had literally and inconspicuously taken control of the situation,"Get yourself a medal. You deserve it."

"I always did wanna be a hero... and a liar."

"Well then it's your lucky day."

"Don't you want anything?" Donut asked.

"Huh?" Deanis said.

"Like what?" Church asked.

"Well, every time someone surrenders they take somethin'," Donut explained, "Like when we took the medic, and you guys took Grif's dignity."

"Yeah, like that ever existed," Simmons muttered, and then got looks from Deanis and Church, "Uhhh, I mean, which one is Grif? Is he the yellow one?"

"And this time you guys don't want anything?" Donut asked.

"Well, technically you're not surrendering," Church said, "This is what we call in the Military, a 'total ass-kicking'. Oh, and also, I'm taking your car."

"What? You're leaving us out here, without any transportation? We'll die!" Donut yelled in panic and disbelief. Deanis sighed, she and Donut maybe friends, but Donut was still an idiot.

"Die of what?"

"Exposure! We're stranded! This is murder."

"Your base is right there, I can see it."

"You may as well just feed us to the buzzards right now."

"You could have walked back to the base in the time we've been discussing this."

"Go. Just sign our death warrants," Donut sounded like he was going to cry.

"Rrouw. Gourough," grumbled one of the unconscious men, Sarge, "…What's goin' on?"

"Hey," Church said to the 'new' 'Blue' guy, "take care o' that guy." Simmons went over to Sarge.

"Is that you, Simmo-" a gun butt to the head was all it took to knock Sarge back out cold. Church hopped into the jeep, followed by Simmons in the passenger seat.

"We better get going," Church said, "See ya, and whatever." He looked at Deanis, "Hope to see you guys again."

"Later blue," Deanis said humorously. Church started the jeep back up, and drove to Blue base. Deanis turned around and headed to Red base.

"Umm, Deanis," Donut said, "Where're you going now?"

"To my room and to bed," Deanis said wearily, "I haven't slept in about thirty-eight hours, I'm fuckin' tired. When Sarge wakes up, let him know I'm here."

Deanis went into the base, where nothing had changed in the time span of everyone leaving Blood Gulch. Around a corner or two, down a hall, a ramp and then finding the barracks and her room. She collapsed on her cot, not bothering to remove her armor, and instantly fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia... Like hell there is.<strong>

**Ah, Deanis is back home in Blood Gulch.**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 4 - The Wrong Siege**


	5. Chapter 5: DayShift

**Author's Note.**

**The Last Make-Up Chapter, and this one will be worth it.**

**FYI Its Donut's turn.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5 – Day-Shift<strong>

The rest of the wake cycle, after Deanis had gone to bed early, Donut lied to Sarge and Grif dramatically. He enjoyed how he placed the stories, plays, and quite a few music numbers. It eventually went to the point where everyone went to bed early, though Sarge was still questionable by Donut if the CO even sleep or not.

After dinner which Deanis had missed, a quick shower with strawberry scented shampoo, brushing teeth with his favorite salmon colored tooth brush, he went to bed. But he had trouble falling asleep. His thoughts went back to Deanis, and her prompt association with that weird sky blue guy from Blue Team. He never had the conception that Deanis would even tolerate blues to begin with, and that made him worried.

The sleep cycle went by painfully slow, and the little sleep Donut did get was light and uncomfortable. By the time he finally reach peacefulness, the morning call sounded, waking him up immediately.

Donut went to the showers, with out his usual morning peppiness. Grif came in last, but Deanis did not come at all. Hot water streamed against Donut's pale skin, which was a nice change since the leaving of Blood Gulch. His thoughts wandered once again, back to Deanis. His many times of seeing the scars on her skin, like the large unnatural looking large one on her back.

He looked down at his right hand, at the two mechanical digits that replaced his ring and his little finger. They haven't been replaced yet, and rust was slowly caking the joints making them painful to move. He didn't want to think that Deanis would betray Red team, or go AWOL like Simmons had.

After the shower, and seeing Grif duck away before Donut could start conversation, Donut had another round of tooth paste before returning down the hall and to his room. His bed room was filled with varies shades and things made of pink, a civilian styled bed in the middle, a laptop on a desk. You didn't get any kind of internet out in the middle of nowhere, and the laptop's style and programming dated back to the beginning of the twenty first century so it was quite the replicated relic.

He slipped into his armor, and went out for breakfast, only eating certain things before he started to assume active duty. It would've been Simmons's turn to patrol, where ever he is. Donut missed the maroon clad.

Before Donut reached the exit, Deanis stood in the pathway, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. He stiffed.

"Hold a minute Donut," she said, "You and I still have to take care of something. That hand of yours."

"Oh, yeah, I knew that."

Deanis shook her head, and led him away from the outside doorway. Down a hall, and into the lunchroom, Deanis sat Donut down at one of the tables while she went to get something.

If Deanis really was going to betray Red team, she wouldn't be helping him. That's what Donut had a hard time convincing himself of. He winced to himself, he didn't like the fact that he was distrusting his best friend in the canyon, the only person who would actually listen to him and not turn away or tune him out. He just… didn't want to see Deanis hurt again, nor wanted to be the one to cause it.

Deanis walked back in with a set of tools and a small metal package. Donut was asked for his hand.

"Now I'm warning you," Deanis said sternly, "We used up all the anesthetic with Simmons's and Grif's operations, so there'll be a hell-of-a lot of fuckin' pain."

Donut nodded, and bit his bottom lip in anticipation. Deanis toiled very little around the rust joints of the fingers, trying to make sure she cause little pain as possible in examining. She opened the metal box, which had a lot of parts and wires and many other things used in making machines. She took a strange tool from the tool set, a fusion of what looked like a screw driver and an electrical welding tool, and turned it on.

The moment the electrical like flame hit the mechanics, pain shot up from Donut's hand. Deanis hadn't been kidding, it hurt like hell on earth. Donut bit his lip harder, and tried like anything to make sure he didn't take back the hand or accidentally clench it.

In the minutes that felt like hours, Deanis removed the fingers. Pain still raged, and Donut felt a lack of sensation from his hand. He couldn't feel the actual mechanics anyway, there weren't any nerves or artificial skin, but the points were machine and flesh connected supplied the sensation that something was there and the pain if they were severed or removed. The most horrible out of this, is that Donut couldn't have taken off the fingers if he wanted to, all operations on said fingers would have to be direct. There wasn't a way to turn off the connection with out damaged the Connection Points either.

Deanis started her work, making what looked like small bone like structures and setting wires in and such. Little by little, the pain intensified but small sensations returned in exchange. Something wet streamed slowly down Donut's chin. He at first thought it was sweat, but a small taste and he realized that he had drawn blood from his own lip unintentionally.

The "new" fingers were looking nice however. There wasn't any artificial skin or nerves, put they looked pretty cool, actually looking like android fingers with the color of cream skin and everything. He couldn't move them, however.

"Hold on now," Deanis said, "Here's the rough part."

Deanis brought out a small little electrical tool with two very small wire like appendages at its tip. She flicked it on, and the tips of the wires began radiating colorless electricity with each other. She touched one of the fingers, shocking it. The shocks blazed across Donut's nervous system, and he felt nauseous and electrocuted. The smells he'd usually would've identified in the air turned into burning chemicals and his vision swayed before him.

Deanis said something, but her voice was muffled. He couldn't hear her. He felt his heart in his ears, panic. Deanis touched the other finger, another shock of feeling. Black spots danced in Donut's vision, and he new the feeling that he was fainting, that his consciousness was fading. His last look of the world detailed him throwing up in his helmet.

The world came back into focus, and Donut was looking at the ceiling of his bedroom. He coughed, tasting some small remnant of stomach acid in his mouth. He quickly found that he wasn't in his armor. He felt cold, and tried to reach for a blanket, but found only a sheet.

"Are you okay?" Deanis's voice penetrated the room, it seemed louder though it was the same volume it had always been. Donut turned to face Deanis, she was still In her armor, helmetless and sitting in the desk chair near by Donut's bed.

"Deanis?" Donut's voice came out unintentionally raspy, and he was surprised by how weak it was.

"Yeah, me," Deanis said, "You had a temperature about a hundred and two, and up chucking in your helmet didn't help either. Fuck, I wish you'd told me that you were sick, I wouldn't have done the operation."

Donut had seen Deanis's face long enough to know that she didn't show much emotion, even when angry or upset or scared. He had gotten used to it, and had long come to the conclusion that it was unintentional that she didn't show so much expression. He'd seen her once or twice with a smile, but it always looked painful or and sometimes even fake.

"I'm s-sick?" Donut asked.

"Uh-huh, you're on sick leave at the moment," Deanis said, "Fuck, man you never get sick. I don't know how to deal with a sick person, and Simmons isn't around to help me out."

Donut had found it odd when he found that sick leave didn't detail going into some doctor's office or even a med lab, and only quarantines happen if the entire team has something, minor or major. He hadn't been happy about that when Deanis was sick sometime back, and he couldn't take care of himself like this.

"Sarge said that you'd probably be up in a day or so," Deanis said, tired, "I've gotta take your watch until then. Just… Get better please."

Deanis showed her worry, something she wasn't quite known for doing and it looked almost unnatural for her to have. It looked alien. She stood up, taking her nearby helmet under her arm.

"I'll come back to check on you," Deanis said, "Okay?"

She left the room. Donut was left with a guilty feeling. Deanis wouldn't abandon Red team or him for nothing. Even if she was around Blue team a lot, she wouldn't try to hurt anything Red. Donut steeled himself, if maybe Deanis did betray Red army and go to the other side, then he'd follow her there. No argument about it.

Mentally feeling a lot better then he had earlier, Donut smiled weakly to himself, curled up in his pink colored sheets, and fell into sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Totally Worth it.<strong>

**Read, Review, Whatever**

**Chapter 4 - Day-Shift**


	6. Chapter 6: No POW

**Author's Note.**

**Christ, too long for comfort. I really need to start back up again. Any way, Make-up and the second to last chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Bungie and Microsoft own (Or originally owned) Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Wars, and Halo Reach. Red vs Blue is owned by Rooster Teeth. This is a none profit fan fiction series. All Original Characters belong to their author.

Flamers and such, Go suck it.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6 – No Prisoner of War<strong>

Deanis stood on the roof of the base, looking out into Blood Gulch. Her chest hurt from her worries over Donut. The guy was about the healthiest here, next to Sarge at least. Something below caught her eye, and she was aiming her assault rifle before her senses could catch up.

"Freeze _cockbite_," She growled at the visitor. A painted clad blue with major spots on the armor in maroon. Simmons.

"Deanis its me," He said looking up.

"Yeah, I know," Deanis said, keeping the rifle aimed, "What do you want?"

"I wanna talk to Sarge. I just found out some info," Simmons explained, "Why are you aiming at me?"

"I have orders to shoot anyone unauthorized to enter the base," Deanis hissed, "and anyone includes the enemy."

"I'm not the enemy," Simmons protested.

"Don't feed me shit," Deanis said, "For one, you're in blue, and I'm in red. What do you think will happen?"

"But you were hanging around Church like no problem."

"I've gotta a gun, dumbass."

"Okay, okay," Simmons said gesturing his hands in a calming way, "I only dressed like this to trick the Blues."

"You helped the Blues."

"So did you."

Deanis cocked the gun.

"Alright, alright, take it easy, I did this to fool the blues… And to work out some unresolved issues with father figures, but seriously I need to talk to Sarge."

"Fuck that, Sarge doesn't want to see you. Hell, I don't want to see you. Donut's sick and I'm the only one that bothered to help him, fuck man I needed help in that and you weren't there, you fucker."

"Wait, Donut's sick?"

Someone came up the ramp, a clad red with the sergeant's emblem, followed by the orange clad PV-2.

"What's all this racket?" Sarge demanded.

"There's an enemy trying to get in the base," Deanis said with venom.

"Where?" Sarge's head cocked when he looked down and around at Simmons.

"Right there," Deanis pointed at Simmons.

"...Where, behind Simmons?"

"She means me sir," Simmons corrected, Deanis shot a warning round at Simmons's feet, causing him to stumble back.

"Umm, Sir I have some important information," Simmons said quickly.

"I don't want to hear it," Sarge spat, "Blue."

"What? This is valuable information about the war."

"There's no such thing as valuable information, from a traitor!"

"But Sir, I only did that because no one would believe me about the tank."

"Tank?" Deanis said, "You mean Shelia?"

"Don't tell me Simmons infected your mind, Deanis," Sarge said.

"Infected my mind with what? The fact that his father issues are displaced with you?"

"No, that's why I punched Sarge in the face," Simmons explained, "I left the base because I wasn't fulfilling my undying need to please other people."

"Alright, enough," Sarge growled, "The next person who tells me about Simmons' feelings is gettin' Court-Marshaled."

"Simmons likes to go in the bathroom and cry while he punches the mirror," Grif said excitedly, "Well, I'll go pack my bags... Nice workin' with you guys. Good luck with the Blues. It's been real." Grif turned around and tailed it. Sarge grumbled something.

"Deanis stay here, don't let the traitor in the base," Sarge commanded, and went after Grif. Deanis remained, a gun still trained at any vital part of Simmons.

"Deanis, what about Donut being sick?" Simmons asked.

"Why the fuck should I tell you?" Deanis replied.

Simmons remained silent. Grif trudged back up the ramp, muttering to himself or something. He stood next to Deanis looking down at Simmons.

"Where's Sarge?" Deanis asked.

"In the base," Grif replied.

"Okay listen guys, do you want important information about the war or don't you?" Simmons asked, leaning on one foot.

"I don't know man," Grif said, "this is a pretty exclusive club we've got here. If we let one blue guy in, we might have to let the next one in, and the next one, and then there goes the neighborhood."

"I'm going to agree with fat-ass here," Deanis said, "No enemies or traitorous assholes in red base."

"I'm sure the Blues are using the information right now to plot an attack against us," Simmons said desperately.

"Well you can forget it," Grif said, "You heard Sarge, there's no way we're letting you in the base dressed like that."

"Yeah, the red blue thing makes you look too much of a Freelancer for my tastes," Deanis said.

"How 'bout this?" In almost a blink of an eye, Simmons's armor was maroon with no spot of blue on him. That's one thing Deanis had learned when she was first assigned in Blood Gulch, Simmons was fast when it came to certain things.

"How did you change so fast?" Grif asked amazed.

"I've always been a fast changer," Simmons said, and then added quietly, "I'm very shy."

"So that's why you wear your underwear in the shower?" Deanis commented.

"I also never use the bathroom at the base. Only at home."

"Dude, we've been stationed here for like three years," Grif said.

"Yeah, it's gonna be a very eventful homecoming."

"Gross," Said Deanis.

"But that's besides the point, are you going to let me in the base?"

"You want in?" Grif said mockingly, "Okay, what's the password?"

"Password?"

"We have a password?" Deanis asked, turning to Grif.

"Shh…" Grif shushed.

"Why are you shushing me? I don't even know what the password is."

"Password," Simmons said.

"What?" Grif asked.

"I said Password."

Grif snapped his fingers in frustration.

"Damn! How did you know?" Deanis looked at him in disbelief.

"Password?" She said, "The password is password? What the fuck man! Why didn't you come up with something original!"

"That was original," Grif countered.

"No its not!" Deanis yelled, "The password could've been anything but that, like "Cunningham" or "I forgot my Easter egg" or anything like that!"

"But those would've been easy to guess."

"Bullshit! I outta- you know never mind," Deanis said, "I give up." She turned around, headed across the base and down the ramp.

"Where are you going?" Grif yelled.

"I'm gonna check on Donut!"

Deanis walked into Red base, going through hallways and around corners until she reached the barracks. Then it was the simple matter of getting to Donut's room. The blond was curled in his sheets. Deanis had placed all the main blankets on Donut's desk next to his antique laptop replica. Attached to it was even a stranger device known as a mouse. Why it was called a mouse was beyond her.

Donut's breathing was soft, and clear. He didn't look like he was sick. She planted herself in the chair near the bed. She focused on Donut, trying to avoid his strange sense of fashion. All the pink in here was going to make _her_ sick. Deanis leaned in the chair, it propped against the wall. Might as well take a few Zs.

Deanis woke to a pink helmet staring at her.

"Hiya!" said Donut's cheerful voice. Deanis felt two things, surprise and relief. She almost punched Donut just because he was there, and had to resist the instinctual urge to do so.

"Donut," Deanis said, leaning forward, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm great!" Donut proclaimed, "I feeling absolutely perfect! You wanna go jogging?"

Deanis shrugged. She's got nothing better to do, and she wasn't the type to nap all day like Grif. The two made their way out of the barracks and out of the base. Donut jogged gracefully around the patrol area, Deanis followed. Donut was faster and more graceful than she was, and Deanis had a hard time trying to keep up.

Donut stopped at a rock, outside of Red territory when Deanis finally was able to catch up. He was… talking to something. She couldn't see what it was. Confused and out of breath, she raced to the rock. As it got closer and clearer, she found what he had been talking to. A tan colored helmet. No. A head. Lopez.

"Lopez?" She asked, as she reached the rock.

"Madre? Es que usted?" Said the head, "Por favor, hagamos una rosa guy dejar de hablar de mí."

"I found him right here," Donut said, "We had a fun time talking to each other."

"Yeah whatever," Deanis said, "Wait, isn't Lopez supposed to be with O'Malley?"

"Lopez?" said a gruff southern voice from nearby Donut, cutting off any chance of her question being answered,"Deanis, Donut, where did you find him?"

Sarge, along with Simmons and Grif, stood. Sarge's shotgun cocked and at the ready as usual.

"Right here," Donut said.

"How were you two talking?" Simmons asked, "Lopez, do you speak English now?"

"No," Said Lopez in his monotone.

"Well if he doesn't then why did he just say no in English?" Grif said, "Busted."

"I took four years of high school Spanish," Donut explained, "That's the best way to learn any language."

"What've you two been talkin' about?" Sarge asked.

"Oh, the usual Spanish faire," Donut replied, "I told him my name, I asked him what his name was, I asked if he knew where the bathroom was, how much a ticket for the train costs, and I asked him for the cheque."

"Por favor, haga el rosado dejar de hablar de mí," Lopez said.

"Ask him where he's been, no- ask him where he's going, wait- ask him if he has our secret plans," Sarge said, or tried several times, and then added, "And if he missed me."

"¿Lopez, que es el tiempo?" Donuts started, "Voy a ir a la playa con mi primo quiere jugar a tenis. Yo comido un lápiz. Adios!"

Lopez remained silent.

"Hmm, looks like he's not talkin' Sarge."

"Alright he wants to play tough, uh?" Sarge said, "I built in override codes for just such an event."

"He's probably going to hate this," Deanis mumbled.

"Lopez! Give me root access, priority Delta One!"

"Prioridad de acceso solicitado. Sírvase indicar el código de acceso."

"The Access Code is... access code."

"What the fuck," Deanis cursed.

"Oh you've gotta be fucking kidding me," Simmons cursed with her.

"Ah, bitch about it later," Sarge told.

"Código de acceso aceptado. Saludos Sarge, ¿le gustaría jugar a…" Sarge cut Lopez off.

"Lopez, replay the Intel message from Command."

"OK."

"See, OK," Grif pointed out, "now I'm telling you this guy's faking."

"_Hola, hola. ¿Eses tú escuchar mí? Hola._" Lopez played Vic's voice, "_Hola hombres de Gulch Sangrosa, gracias por la información, muy provechosa._"

"Oh come on, the recording is in Spanish?" Grif exclaimed, "That doesn't even make any sense!"

"This guy sounds just like the guy the Blues were talking to," Simmons said, "Vic Junior. I'll bet his kids changed sides." Lopez continued the recording in the background of the conversation.

"Eggs Benedict Arnold, those dirty traitors," Cursed Sarge, "No offense Simmons."

"None taken Sir."

"Traitor."

"God dammit."

"Wait, how does Vic have kids?" Donut said "I thought he had a vasectomy." Everyone looked at him, even the recording stopped, "Well that's just what I heard."

Lopez finished the Spanish recording.

"We've got to figure out what he's saying," Sarge said, "Donut, can you translate or can't you?"

"Uh I think he's saying something about losing his passport."

"The blues have a translation device," Deanis said, "Its built in their bomb however."

"E-Gads, no doubt to decipher their plans to destroy us! If we don't translate the tactical plans Lopez is saying, we're all doomed!" Sarge said, "That information could save our very lives!"

"Why don't we sneak in to Blue Base, grab the translation device, and use it on our message?" Suggested Simmons.

"I agree," said Sarge.

"Let me get this straight," Grif said, "We're going to steal a bomb from our enemies - a bomb that can be remotely detonated I might add - and then we're gonna bring it back to our base, and all huddle around it. What a great plan."

"Well sure, it sounds stupid when you say it like that," said Simmons.

"Go on, let's move," Sarge said, "Somebody grab Lopez's cabeza."

"Of course!" said Donut.

"That's not the cabeza Donut... and that's not Lopez!"

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Prisoner of war** - (POW, PoW, PW, P/W, WP, PsW) or enemy prisoner of war (EPW) is a person, whether civilian or combatant, who is held in custody by an enemy power during or immediately after an armed conflict. The earliest recorded usage of the phrase is dated 1660.

**Such a facinating chapter, ain't it?**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 6 - No Prisoner of War**


	7. Chapter 7: And the Horse you Rode in On

**Author's Note.**

**Last make-up and the Last Chapter! Aren't you excited!**

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Bungie and Microsoft own (Or originally owned) Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Wars, and Halo Reach. Red vs Blue is owned by Rooster Teeth. This is a none profit fan fiction series. All Original Characters belong to their author.

Flamers and such, Go suck it.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7 – And the Horse you Rode in on<strong>

Sarge looked through the sniper that Grif had brought long with him.

"Well, you won't believe this," Sarge said, putting down the sniper, "it looks like the Blues have teamed up with O'Malley. Those dirty backstabbers!"

"Our enemies teamed up with our enemy," Grif said, "How is that a back stab?"

Deanis couldn't help but feel the same along with Sarge. Church wouldn't join with O'Malley. Unless it was something they needed a medic with. She wondered if Caboose and Tucker were back yet. Maybe they were, but what about the alien? Did someone get infected with some sort of alien sickness or something?

"Exactly! No good two-timers!" Sarge said, "Alright men, let's get in there and acquire that exploding translator thing so we can figure out what Lopez is saying."

"Sólo vas a estar decepcionados," Lopez said quietly.

"I agree Lopez, time is of the essence."

"¿Por qué te molesta responder si no sé lo que estoy diciendo?"

"Heh heh heh, good one amigo."

"Dios mio, por favor, me matan madre."

"I see the bomb. He's right next to Caboose," Sarge said. So they are back.

"Which one is Caboose again?" Grif asked, "I get confused. Is he the stupid _mean_ one," He looked at Deanis, "the stupid _annoying_ one," He looked at Simmons, "or the stupid _stupid_ one?" He looked at Donut.

"Stupid stupid," Simmons confirmed.

"Oh yeah, right. What an idiot."

"Yeah totally."

"Sarge, I hate to point out the obvious," Donut said, "but since we can see them with the sniper rifle, why don't' we just shoot 'em?"

"He's gotta point," Deanis agreed.

"Shame on you two!" Sarge snapped, "A sniper rifle is a coward's weapon. When you kill yer enemy, you wanna look in his eyes so he knows you're the one who beat him to death! It also gives you the chance to deliver some really zippy one-liners. Like "I hope you brought your wallet, because the rent in Hell gets paid in advance!"

"Oh my God," Grif sighed.

"Or my personal favorite, "You've just got Sarged." Hhheh heh heh, classic."

"Lo digo, quiero morir," Lopez said.

"Hand to hand combat is the old school way to kill your foes," Sarge continued, "it hearkens back to the honored traditions when combatants respected one another. Killing a man with your bare hands says: we're all equals as men. Except I'm slightly more equal 'cause I'm still alive and you're dead. Of course dropping a nuke on them from fifty thousand feet is also totally acceptable. I mean let's face it, there's just not enough time in this busy world to show everybody the courtesy of a good strangling."

"See? That right there is why society is going downhill," Grif pointed out, "Everyone's in such a hurry these days-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, we get the point, wasting time," Simmons hurried, "okay what was the plan Sarge?"

"You fellas stay here," Sarge commanded, "I'm gonna head up there with Lopez and get that device," Sarge came over and picked up Lopez before running off, "Get it Lopez, head up there. Score two for Sarge, ding ding."

Deanis watched as Sarge snuck over, and replaced Andy with Lopez, while at the same time distracting but not getting caught by Caboose. He returned with the bomb in his hands. This time, being able to pick it up with no problems.

"See boys, now that's how you run a successful op," Sarge said proud, "In and out like well lubricated lightning."

"Where's Lopez?" Simmons asked.

"Heh heh, I pulled the old switcharoo," Explained Sarge, "Lopez was the same size and shape as this feller, so I just swapped him out. Just like Indiana Jones would'a done. Heh, they'll never even know he was missing. Thank God he's a little lighter than the last time we saw him."

"Finally, somebody noticed," Andy said, his bright green pixilated eyes appearing on the count-down screen, "D'you know how hard it is to maintain this figure?"

"You swapped Lopez, for the bomb," Grif said, "Permission to speak insultingly, Sir?"

"Permission denied," Sarge said, "Yer just jealous 'cause you didn't think of it first. Heh heh heh. Now let's translate. Where's Lopez?" Sarge looked, and then realized, "... Ah, hell, I'll be right back." Sarge left, and in a few moment returned with Lopez. He set the head next to the bomb.

"Okay," Sarge said, "Now, Andy we want you to translate the recording in Lopez. Lopez, do a playback."

Lopez played the recording again, with no interruptions. After it was finished, Andy translated.

"_Here are your orders for winning the war. Eliminate the enemy. Okay, also, try to do better than you are currently doing. And, please win, thank you_," Andy translated in Vic's voice.

"That's totally, totally lame," Grif commented, "And not at all surprising. Which is also totally, totally lame."

"I don't know 'bout that Grif, I think there was actually some valuable tactical information in there," Simmons said, "Right Sarge?"

"Simmons have you lost your last marble?" Said Sarge, "That was pure nonsense!"

"Oh, that's what I meant."

"Kiss ass," Muttered Deanis.

"Eliminate the enemy, what kinda plan is that?" continued Sarge, "I think Command has lost it."

"Lost it?" Grif said, "When did they have it?"

"Uh, speaking of the enemy," Donut said, "here comes one now!" The clad pink pointed out to something coming from Blue base. Deanis went next to him, looking in the same direction. It was Church, and trailing behind him was the tank, Shelia.

"Hey, let's eliminate him! Then we'll have one less thing in the to-do list!" Grif said in fake excitement.

"Uhh, I'm just so depressed. I can't even threaten your life for being a total jackass" Sarge told Grif, depressed, and then added darkly, "...Jackass. I'll kill ya!"

"I don't think it'll be that easy," Deanis said, "The tank is coming with him."

"What're you talking about , the tank isn't coming out here," Simmons said, "Look it's not even moving."

"Yes it is, look!" Said Donut.

"Donut, I am looking, if it was getting closer, it would be getting bigger."

"It is getting bigger, compared to that tree!"

"Since when did Blood Gulch have trees?" Deanis asked.

"Nope, not moving," Simmons said.

"Yes it is, Dumb ass," Deanis countered.

The tank fired a missile, hitting the rocks behind them and startling everyone from the explosion and the small quake that accompanied it.

"Okay, you're right, it's coming this way," Simmons said quickly.

"**RUN!**" Donut yelled, and everyone bolted in the opposite direction of the tank and into the rocks. Deanis cursed as the missiles keep coming, almost getting grazed by one in the process. She gathered with her team behind a single rock.

"Regroup men!" Sarge commanded, "Grif, start passing out additional ammo."

"Uhhhh..."

"Simmons, pass out the ammo you brought because you knew Grif would forget."

"Already on it, Sir," He replied, tossing clips of varies different kinds of ammunition to Donut and Deanis.

"Return fire men! I'll call for reinforcements. Come in Command, come in!" Sarge started up his radio, "Vic, we need help. Simmons, get busy negotiating a surrender."

"Okay, how 'bout we give them our base?" suggest the clad maroon.

"Oh, good idea! We could live in the caves!" Donut said.

"Lets let them kill Grif," Deanis suggested, getting a look from the said teammate.

"Simmons you're supposed to negotiate their surrender, not ours!" Sarge reprimanded, and then went back to the radio, "Vic, are you still there?"

The four privates popped their heads on top of the rock, looking at the tank and the clad cobalt Blue.

"Hey Blues! I mean, Blue!" Simmons yelled, "We're only gonna give you one chance to surrender!"

"Wha- why would I-" Church was cut off by Sheila firing again. The missile hit the unreachable cliffs above, causing small bits of rock to land on the reds. "Hey, hold on a second Sheila. Why would I surrender!"

The four ducked.

"Because they're out numbered," Deanis mumbled, while Grif was saying something about sandwiches. The four went back up.

"Uh, because you're outnumbered!" Simmons yelled.

"Bullshit dude, I got a tank! People with tanks are never outnumbered!" Church yelled back. The four ducked back under again.

"Don't you think it's their turn to surrender?" Donut suggested.

"Why?" Deanis asked.

"You know, they gave us Doc, and they took the jeep."

"That's good Donut," Simmons said, and the four went back up. Simmons yelled, "We also think that it's your turn to surrender."

"**_WHAT!_**" Church yelled in disbelief.

"Well, if you'll recall, first you surrendered, and you guys gave us Doc. And then we surrendered, and we gave you the jeep. Now, that means that- Son of a bitch!" Simmons was cut off by Shelia firing another missile at the cliffs, though closer to the ground and causing bigger pieces of rock to fall.

"Is that a no?" Asked Donut.

"Okay look guys," Church said, "I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, and our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY, don't have time for this horseshit right now!"

There was a pause.

"Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?" Grif asked.

"He's not pregnant! That's impossible."

"Yeah, unless the Alien impregnated him," Andy chuckled at Church's feet, "That's what they do, they infect the host with a parasitic embryo. Hahaha! But you already knew that, right? Right?"

"What? _**NO**_! Why didn't you tell us that could happen?"

"Uhhh I mean uhhh Alien baby! Uh that's shocking! I am shocked."

Something called Church on the radio and he turned away from the reds. Deanis filled on her radio to hear what they were saying.

"-Caboose, what did I tell you man, you're not supposed to use the radio while O'Malley's here! Oh great now I'm on the radio too-" Church's voice.

"-Oh that, that's what I'm calling to tell you. Um, the Reds already used their radio aaand, O'Malley is gone-" Caboose's voice. O'Malley's gone? Deanis was feeling a cold rock in her stomach, she was in danger just by a simple thing like her radio.

"That's right Blue, we've called in the cavalry," Sarge yelled, having listened to the radio too, "As we speak, the glorious Red Command is sending a ship to aid us! No doubt it's a battle cruiser of the highest magnitude! It's time to end this thing once and for all!"

Deanis heard something over the radio. Sounded like a chipmunk version of the alien's voice and language.

"-What was that?-"

"-Oh well, that's the other thing I called about, um, Tucker had his gross baby.-"

"-He is not PREGNANT!-" and Church cut off the radio, ordered something to Shelia and rushed back to Blue base.

"A baby, wait up!" Donut said, "I wanna see!" Donut ran out of the rocks and into the open. The fucking idiot was going to get himself killed. Deanis pushed off the rock and ran for him.

"Donut, Deanis, get back here! Wait for the ship," Demanded Sarge.

"But Sarge," Donut protested, "we don't know when the ship is gonna get here. It's coming all the way from Earth. That could take days, or weeks, or months, or even years!"

Just as Deanis caught up with the clad pink, something large and dark grey fell from the sky in a heaping crash right on top of Donut and barely grazing Deanis's helmet. Her vision was consumed by nothing but a large Pelican.

"Ship's here," Simmons said.

"Shotgun!" yelled Grif.

Deanis stood alone and stunned.

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Chapter Title - **A reference to the chapter title on Halo "And the Horse you Rode in on".

**Last Chapter folks, now we can get started on Book 5! Ye-Ah!**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 7 - And the Horse you Rode in On**

**Red vs Blue WarBound Book 4: Aliens**

**VirTaAshi, Signing out, For now...**


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